


That one with the CIA again

by allwhere



Series: The CIA [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: BAMF Spencer Reid, CIA, Dilauded, Drug Use, F/M, Family, Guns, Identity Reveal, Italian Mafia, Not Canon Compliant, Past Lives, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spies & Secret Agents, Timeline What Timeline, Undercover, elle and gideon who?, leila but not that leila a different leila, no beta we die like men, spencer is here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allwhere/pseuds/allwhere
Summary: He ran his hands over his face and took a deep breath, his face turning blank as he walked into the room."Operative one," The Director said, "Welcome home."Or that one where Reid has been hiding a whole different life to the one he's told his friends.Part of the CIA series //not finished (yet)//Active
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The CIA [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014399
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	1. Spencer

**Author's Note:**

> if you haven't, please read part 1 of this series first, to give context  
> Also, I apologise for the horrendously Google-translated Italian, the translations are in brackets at the bottom of the section.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar case falls across Hotch's desk.

"Reid and Morgan, interview the witness." Hotch looked down to his papers, "Carmelo Bianchi."

Reid felt his heart drop as Hotch continued giving out orders.

"Hotch, can I go with Rossi to the coroner?" 

"No Reid, you don't threaten him, he'll let his guard around you." 

"Please Hotch," Reid begged. 

"Got a problem being with be pretty boy?" Morgan walked up to the pair.

"No, I just-" 

"What is it, Reid?" Hotch snapped

"Nothing," He sighed.

"Good."

"Hey, I'm gonna grab some coffee, start without me." Morgan walked to the kitchen as Reid shook himself off and walked to the door. 

Carmelo looked up from his table to Reid and smiled.

" _ Lavori per i maiali adesso? _ " The man scoffed.

" _ Cosa ti importa? _ " Reid spat back, scowling.

" _ Lo sanno? _ " 

" _ No,"  _ Reid lent on the table towering over the man. _ "E se glielo dici mi assicurerò che tu ei tuoi figli andiate in prigione per tutto. Fatto? _ " 

The man fell silent at the words as Morgan walked in with his coffee. 

"You didn't tell us you spoke Italian Reid," He laughed. 

"Oh, yeah um, It never came up."

_ (You work for the pigs now?) _

_ (What's it to you?) _

_ (Do they know?) _

_ (No,) (And if you tell them, I will make sure you and your sons go to jail for everything. Got it?) _

_ *** _

"Morgan, Reid," Hotch stuck his head around the interrogation room door. "Conference room. Now." 

Reid and Morgan looked at each other in confusion before following Hotch to the conference room.

The rest of the team was gathered around the table waiting for Hotch to talk, he waited until Morgan had finally sat down before speaking. "We've been taken off the case."

"What!"

"Why!"

"We can't just!"

"Hotch!"

The team all spoke at once. 

"The case has been linked to a bigger task force at the CIA. They've requested our help again." 

"Again?" Reid asked.

"About five years ago, before you worked here, Reid. We helped a specialised task force, more specifically their undercover unit, in profiling some of the people they had gathered intel on. The Director has asked for our help again, they're reassembling their team." 

***

"...And oh god," Garcia gasped, "Those kids!"

"They'll be about, what?" JJ thought "Reid's age by now?" 

"They had them since they were fourteen," Rossi explained to Reid. "They'd been conditioned to go completely blank when asked about their undercover work. They could turn it off like a light, we couldn't profile them." 

"They'd had torture training, intense weapons training, they could pull a gun on you in the blink of an eye. One of them even got Morgan on the ground and pointed his own gun at him." Prentiss laughed.

"They didn't have names either," JJ joined in. "To the Director, they were numbers, and to each other, they just had nicknames." 

"One of them had a nightmare the first night we were there. They had to hold him down whilst he screamed." Morgan said with his head down. "Nineteen and he already had severe PTSD, god knows what they did to them." 

"That sounds...," Reid let out a shaky breath, "Did you um, did you say anything?"

"They outranked us," Morgan answered, "The team leader outranked Hotch, ...there was nothing we could do and well, the damage was already done."

"We're landing," Hotch walked back into the cabin "Reid, the director has requested you be briefed separately." 

"Why?" JJ asked 

"He didn't say, but I assume it's just to bring him up to date on the work we've already done on this case." 

Reid swallowed and gripped his book hard as they started their descent. 

"Agent Reid," A stern man in a black suit walked onto the plane. "The Director is waiting for you inside." 

They watched Reid walk out on the plane with a small wave.

"Agents, someone will be along shortly to escort you to a Conference room, after a background check, you will be briefed."

The Agents watched the man leave, and a couple of minutes later, someone else arrived to escort them to the conference room. 

"God, I hope we're not in here as long as we were last time," Garcia laughed. 

"Yeah," Prentiss replied, "That was the most boring three hours of my life, apart from that time, Strauss gave us that lecture on the new formatting of case paperwork."

Little did the Agents know that just down the corridor stood Reid. He ran his hands over his face and took a deep breath, his face turning blank as he walked into the room. 

"Operative one," The Director said, "Welcome home."


	2. Sherlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Operatives recount their time at the CIA. The BAU get a shock to their system and Hotch gets put in his place.

"There are clothes for you in your room upstairs, then your team are waiting for you in Conference room four." 

"Yes, sir." 

He felt surreal walking back up to his room after two years, he opened the closet and stared at the CIA stamped clothes he wore for so many years of his life. After a few minutes, he shook himself out of his trance, pulled out some clothes and finally got ready. 

As he walked down the stairs and around the corner to the conference room, he realised he wasn't sure which team he was expecting. The BAU was his team now, they were family. But the Mercury One had always been his family. They grew up together, they had done things none of them would ever breathe another word of to anyone else, together. They had supported each other through things no-one should ever have to have gone through, and right now they were the only team he wanted to see behind those doors. 

"SHERLOCK!" A girl ran into him, wrapping her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. 

"Lady," He smiled and wrapped his arms back around her. 

"We were worried you weren't coming," Curly walked up to the pair as they let go of each other and he wrapped Sherlock in another hug. 

Pinkie and Monroe both gave him a hug. He then settled back next to Lady and placed his arm familiarly around her back with his hand on her waist. He looked to her to make sure she was okay with it, in return she just moved closer into him.

"It's nice to see some things never change," Monroe smiled.

"...I've missed you guys," Sherlock said. "You're the only proper family I ever had."

"I thought we'd never see each other again." Pinkie said. "Promise me that won't happen." 

"Never." 

"Promise."

"It won't."

They all said. 

"I feel different coming back, I feel like a different person," Curly said, "All the work, all the training, it just comes flooding back."

"I know, leaving was like stepping into another world where this one didn't exist," Lady sighed. "Sometimes, I feel like I made it all up."

"Does anyone know anything?" Monroe asked a few minutes later as they were all chatting.

The majority of the team shook their heads. But Sherlock answered, "Do you remember when we were nineteen, the team from the FBI who came to help us do an in-depth profile into some of the Italians? They're here again."

"How do you know?" Pinkie questioned.

Sherlock sighed and lowered his head, "I work for them." 

" _Gioia_ ," Lady whispered, "Do they know?"

"Not yet," he replied, "I was lucky they never recognised me, I, I thought I could get away without ever having to tell them." He sniffed "They're never gonna look at me the same." He broke in a way they'd never seen, Lady pulled him into her and kissed the top of his head, looking to her teammates worriedly. 

"You have us, _Gioia_ ," She whispered into his hair, "You'll always have us."

"They worried about us y' know when they came before." He sat back in his chair, "They were telling me about us, they talked like it was horrifying."

"It was Sherly," Monroe said, "But we had no choice."

"I only realised when we left," Curly laughed sadly, "When I tried to grab for a gun that wasn't there every time I heard footsteps. Or when I wouldn't respond to my own fucking name but if anyone said the number three my fucking head would snap." 

"Do you guys ever do that thing when you just go blank?" Lady asked.

"They call me a robot," Sherlock smiled "But its the only time I feel confident. It's like don't really know me, they still think I can barely shoot a gun." 

"You!" Lady burst out laughing, "Barely shoot a gun!"

"Sherlock, you could outshoot all of us with your eyes closed!" Pinkie laughed.

" **I** know that, but if I showed up to the FBI at twenty-four, with supposedly no experience in law enforcement and could shoot a perfect hundred. They would ask questions." He replied.

"Im sorry its too funny _Gioia._ "

"Operatives," They hadn't noticed the man walking in. 

"Sly!" Sherlock smiled, "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you" He replied, maintaining his neutral expression. "The FBI Agents have been stamped, and they are waiting with the Director in Conference room one." 

The rest of the team looked worriedly to Sherlock, he looked ill, his face a picture of pure dread. He stood up and regained his composure before addressing his team. " Are we ready kids?"

"Aye, aye captain," The rest of the Operatives smiled at the old remark before leaving the room, swiftly followed by their leader. 

The Agents didn't stir as the Operatives walked in. 

"If you don't mind we'll get started," The Director spoke.

"Actually Sir," Hotch said not looking up from his paperwork "We're waiting on one of-"

"Hotch," Morgan interrupted.

"Morgan, I was talki-"

"No, Hotch look," Morgan was staring at the Operatives. Hotch looked up as did the rest of the Agents, Hotch's face dropped.

"Oh my god," Hotch hadn't moved, "Director, could we have some time?" 

The Director looked between the staring Agents and his Operatives before sighing, "Of course Agent Hotchner." He signalled to the rest of his Operatives to move out before leaving. The team looked worriedly to their leader, he smiled back. 

"It's okay, go," He said as Lady gave him a final look, he nodded to her before she closed the door, and he turned to face the BAU. 

***

Reid was sat at one end of a long oval table near the doors. The rest of the BAU were gathered opposite. 

"So you were CIA?" Rossi asked.

"For the better part of the last ten years, yes."

"You were an Operative?" Prentiss asked next.

"Operative one."

"I don't believe it," Morgan was pacing again.

"I can push you into the floor again if it helps jog your memory."

"There's no way that was you!" Morgan cried, "You didn't even pass your weapons, let alone physical exams."

"Because if I showed up scoring perfect hundred's you would have asked questions." 

"Perfect hundred's," Morgan, scoffed, quietly. 

"Every run since I was 16," Reid didn't smile, neither did the Agents.

"...Reid," Garcia whispered with tears almost in her eyes. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Whilst you were here, I mean we saw what they did to you guys the first time, what, what happened?"

"It's a long story Pen, and I can tell you guys later, I promise-"

"Why did you lie to us?" JJ blurted out.

He took a deep before answering, "I didn't lie to you any more than I had to."

"Had to?"

"Under any other circumstances, you wouldn't be allowed to know I ever worked for the CIA, let alone Mercury One." He sighed "I have a backstory I had to maintain I couldn't just have a nine-year gap in my life." 

There was a sudden silence in the room as a result of the previous statement, until Hotch suddenly flipped his case file shut.

"Reid, I'm pulling you off this case," Hotch stood up.

"You can't do that Hotch," Reid laughed.

"Yes, I can Reid!"

"No, you can't Hotch!"

"Reid I am your superi-"

"No, you are NOT Hotch!" Reid suddenly stood to meet Hotch's eyes, "When you're here, working with **my** team, I outrank you! I choose if you work on this case and I choose if I want you, NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND!" 

Silence once again engulfed the room this time in a state of shock at the younger agents outburst; it was something they had only seen from him once before, when he was nineteen. Hotch and Reid maintained stubborn eye contact, both of their faces cold as ice. After a minute, Hotch broke eye contact and sat down. 

"Director!" Reid raised his voice to be heard through the door. "We're ready."

The Director opened the door and walked in, followed by the rest of the Operatives. They sat at the end of the table, nearest the door. Surrounding the boy who was already sitting there with his arms crossed and face blank. The Director walked to the middle of the table and stood between the two groups. 

"Let's begin."


	3. Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid gets interrogated, Hotch has a breakdown.

"How did it go?" The Operatives were standing outside the conference room, waiting for the Director to finish talking with the Agents alone. 

"About as well as I imagined." 

"We heard shouting," Pinkie said 

"He tried to pull me." 

"He can't-?" Lady started.

"And he knows that now," His words were snappy and met with an air of silence.

"Do you think we're going back?" Monroe asked.

"We can't we're dead," Sherlock replied reassuringly. 

"Come on," Curly countered, "We all know that means nothing here."

"We're going back then?" Pinkie said.

"I mean, why else would we be here?" Curly answered.

The Director then walked out of the Conference room, followed by the Agents and spoke to the Operatives. 

"It's getting late, I've spoken with Agent Hotchner, and we've decided to start tomorrow morning, you're complete for tonight, usual hours tomorrow." He turned to Sherlock, "Operative one,"

"Yes, Sir."

"Prospects at seven-thirty."

"Thank you, Sir." 

With that, the Director left, leaving the Agents staring distrustingly at him before they left as well. 

"Come on." Pinkie said as they made their way upstairs, "My room, I brought uno." 

"Sounds good," Curly replied. 

Sherlock paused as they got to the corridors. 

"Hey, you coming?" Curly asked a few steps ahead of him. 

"I gotta talk to them," He responded, "I'll see you guys in a bit." 

"Good luck!" Curly called back before heading to the Pinkies room with the rest of them. 

He waited for a second staring at the corridor he knew the Agents were in. He took a deep breath, pushing everything down just like he was trained and letting his face go blank. He was about to push the door open when he heard someone behind him. 

" _Gioia._ " It was Lady, he turned around and watched her as she walked towards him. 

"L," He smiled at her as she hugged him tightly and he hugged her back, kissing the top of her head.

"I missed you," She pulled back.

"I missed you too." 

" _Ti voglio bene_ ," She placed and hand on his cheek and kissed him.

"I love you too," He laughed and kissed her back. 

"How are they?"

"Angry," He sighed, "Mostly that I lied to them."

"Probably not a good time to tell them you're married," She laughed. 

"No, lucky for me those names are dead." He said, "They won't find out." 

She smiled at him, he pulled her into another hug, and they stayed like that for a minute.

"Do you still have it?" She asked quietly.

"The ring?" 

"You're not wearing it." 

"Neither are you." 

She moved away from him and pulled out a necklace from under her shirt. Dangling off the chain was a thin gold ring with a diamond in the centre surrounded by smaller ones made to look like leaves. In response, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys, there was one keychain and at the end, a wide gold ring.

"Are you gonna tell them?" She questioned.

"About us, or-?"

"Both." 

"No," He answered, "I don't want them to think I've been lying to them any more than they already know. And there's no point telling them about Maria if we never see her again."

She paused for a moment, "Do you think, if we do go back, do you think we'll see her again?" Tears ran down Lady's face.

"If we do," He wiped away the tears running down her cheeks, "I promise we'll bring her home." 

"I miss her _Gioia._ "

"I miss her too."

"I have to go talk to them."

"Okay."

"I'll be there soon."

"Be quick."

"I will." 

She kissed him again quickly before walking away, he turned back towards the Agent's corridor and finally pushed the door open.

They were waiting for him in Hotch's room, none of them spoke to him as he walked in, but the desk chair sat empty, and they were clearly waiting for him to sit in it. He swallowed the lump in his throat and waited for their questions. 

"Who are you?" Morgan asked first.

"What?" That wasn't the question he was expecting. 

"Not to us, not whatever you've told us, but here too these people. Who are you?"

"I was, ...and um, still am I guess. Operative one, team leader of the undercover unit, Mercury One. Part of the specialised task force created by the CIA to investigate the Italian Mafia." He said it as if he'd repeated it 100 times before and well, he probably had. 

"What have you lied about?" Came Rossi's question next.

"Not much, everything about my childhood was true, I graduated high school at twelve, that's true as well. Then I did two years at Caltech, getting my first degree and starting my first Doctorate, that's when I was recruited. I finished my first and second Doctorate online whilst I was training. Went undercover at sixteen, recalled a few months before you guys came, started my third Doctorate and went back a few months after. Then we were recalled when we were twenty-three and disbanded, I joined the FBI academy..." He looked up at them. "I didn't fail my physical exams and gun training at the academy, well, I mean I did, but I failed them on purpose." 

"Anything else?" Rossi said.

He took a deep breath in. " I have severe PTSD, a higher kill count than you want to know. I'm legally banned from playing poker in a government building, and I can speak fluent Italian."

"Now is that everything?" Prentiss asked this time. 

He held the keys in his pocket and slid the ring onto his finger. "Yeah."

The group relaxed a little, knowing more about their friend but only so much as people can finding out said friend is a killer with severe PTSD.

"What did you do?" Garcia asked ever curious, "Why were you recruited?" 

"We were recruited to be an undercover unit, Me, Lady, and Curly were undercover, Monroe and Pinkie were our handlers. Lady and I were to infiltrate the Bianchi family as a couple, I was a Capo, she was my -um-, girlfriend. Curly stayed in the lower ranks, starting off as an Associate and then becoming a soldier. We were the third unit they had put in, until then they'd all been shot, unaccepted, or had left. So they recruited young, it was easier to mould us, train us, it was more likely for them to trust us and well, it worked." 

"Oh my god," Garcia gasped. 

"It's really not as bad as it sounds-" Reid tried to reason.

"No," Hotch cut him off, "It's worse."

"...Hotch stop!" Reid shouted. 

"We should have stopped this!" 

Reid had managed to navigate his now yelling boss into the hallway. 

"Hotch stop it."

"I said it was out of my hands, I said-"

"HOTCH!"

"WHAT! What is it, Reid," Hotch stopped violently pacing to stare him right in the face. 

"It's okay."

"NO, NO, no, it's not!" He began pacing again, much to the dismay of the younger man. 

"Hotch," Reid tried to catch the mans attention, "Hotch look at me!"

"You should have died!" 

"But I didn't, none of us did." 

"Kids! You were fucking kids, and I did nothing, NOTHING!" 

"There was nothing you could have done." 

"I could have tried!"

"AND WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!" Hotch stopped abruptly and stared straight into Reid's eyes, they were blank, looking right through him. "What would have happened Hotch?"

"..."

"Nothing that's what. The damage was already done, and if I hadn't gone back I'd never-" 

"Never what?" Hotch watched as Reid walked away, "Reid! REID." 

But it was too late, the doors to the corridor were already open and swinging in his wake.


	4. Laila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A three AM talk reveals a secret thought long dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW//Mentions of drug use

_"Gioia?"_ She leant against the door to the gun range and watched him shoot. Once, twice, three times before the buzzer. The silhouette sprang forward, and he reached out to lightly touch the gaping hole in the middle of it. _"Non puoi sparare con le pistole per sempre Gioia."_

_"Non posso?"_

_"Q_ uello che è successo?"

_"Importa?"_

_"Lo fa per me."_

_"Non è niente."_ He sighed and took off his ear defenders. "Nothing, really."

"The last time I saw you like this, the last time I saw you like this I-"

"I know, but really its nothing."

"You don't have to lie to me!" 

He turned around but couldn't meet her eyes, "I almost told them."

"Told them what?"

"About us, about Maria," He pulled his hand over his mouth. "I don't know, there isn't really anything to tell anymore." 

"It's not fair." 

"What isn't?"

"Any of it, we should be living in a little house by now, Maria should be going to school, and we would be married, properly married."

"So," He moved to stand right up to her, "Let's do it."

"Shouldn't we tell the other three first?" She laughed.

"Like they don't already fucking know," He smiled and reached for her necklace, unclipping the chain and dropping the ring into his hand.

"Marry me L." 

(You can't fire guns forever.)

(Can't I?)

(What happened?)

(Does it matter?)

(It does to me.)

(It's nothing.)

***

"How come you always win Pink!" Curly cried.

"Cos I'm the best." 

"No, you're the worst," Lady counteracted. 

They bickered for a few minuted whilst Pinkie collected up the cards, he started shuffling them, "So," He said casually, "When's the wedding." 

Sherlock sighed in fake annoyance, "How long did it take you?"

"All of about six seconds," Pinkie laughed in response."

"What was it-"

"The rings" He cut him off, "Come on, you may as well as given us save the dates." 

"You're an arse Pink." Lady smiled at him. 

"Oh, **I'm** the arse..." They trailed back into bickering again. 

Quite a few hours, 13 games of uno, one almost broken arm, and a lot of catching up later, they all headed off to their beds and fell asleep. 

*3:00* the clock flashed as he woke up to a light knocking on his door. He tumbled over to open the door and squinted at the light coming in from the hallway. 

"L?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Come in." He stepped aside to let her in, sighing in relief when the door closed and he could see again. He didn't say anything, nor did he have to, before climbing back into bed, a second later she followed. 

"L?" He whispered 

"Yeah."

"I love you." 

"I love you too, _Gioia._ " She smiled, "...What was that for?"

"I missed you. This, it's just bringing it all back." 

"I missed you too. ... I don't want this to be over." 

"Us?"

"No, well yes but I mean I don't want to leave, because then it's over, all back to how it was before." 

"It doesn't have to be."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm serious about marrying you L, come live with me, in DC."

"I've always wanted to go to DC," She smiled to him. "I hear they have nice churches, good schools." 

"We can have a look," He said hopefully.

"Sounds good."

"...Us, married, in real life. You'd need to know my name first," She joked.

"Then tell me." He replied bluntly, and she stared at him in shock.

"What!" She whisper-yelled.

"Why not, my colleagues are here, you're bound to find mine out at some point anyway."

"Why do I have to go first?"

"You don't. If you don't want you don't hav-"

"Im joking, it's okay I will, it's about time." She sat up on the bed and turned to face him with his sheets still bunched around her waist. He used an elbow to prop himself up and look at her. She took a deep breath in and, nervously looked down. 

"This is hard," She shuffled around, and he sat up more, taking her hand in his. 

"It's okay, it's just me." 

"Okay, I can do it, here it goes," She looked down and squeezed his hand, "Leila, Leila Parkes, my friends call me Lady." She stared at him.

"Nice to meet you, Leila Parkes," He smiled warmly. 

"Okay, your turn." 

"My names Spencer, Spencer Reid, my friends call me Sherlock." He grinned at her like a child, and she smiled back teasingly, interlacing their fingers. 

"Mmmh."

"What?" He laughed 

"Spencer, it makes you sound smart."

"What more than Sherlock?" 

She smiled back and shook her head, "I like Reid too, I think I could live with it." She moved over to straddle his hips. "Leila Reid, how does that sound?" 

He smiled and leaned up slightly to kiss her. "Perfect." 

***

The next morning the Operatives were sat around a table in the canteen. Finishing the last of their breakfast and chatting. The Agents were a few tables across, mostly just starting to eat having woken up much later. Sherlock stood up and excused himself to see the Director. As soon as he stepped out, the door Lady got the table's attention. 

"Oi, shut up, shut up and listen to me, it's important." She hissed. 

"What?" Monroe asked, the table falling silent. 

Lady looked around to see if anyone was listening, they weren't "He's using again." 

"What!" Curly said in shock. "How do you know,"

"I saw the track marks." 

"But I checked his arms, they were healed." Pinkie replied.

"Yeah," Monroe added on.

"They were healed but not by much, there are fresh ones on his thigh."

"Fuck, ...do you think they know?" Curly trailed off.

"My bet is," Lady nodded her head at the table on Agents, "They found out, he lowered the dosage and changed the site to make them think he'd stopped." 

"What do you think he's taking?" Monroe asked.

"I don't know, but I don't think he'd go back to heroin," Lady answered.

"It's probably an opioid so, morphine, fentanyl or just straight methadone," Curly suggested.

They sat for a minute in stunned silence. 

"We have to know so we can get him off it." Lady stood up, "I'm going to ask them." 

She walked over to the Agents table and stood for a second until they were looking at her.

"Lady?" Morgan looked up.

"Okay, I need you to listen to me, and I need you to tell me the truth."

"What's happening?" JJ said worriedly.

"Listen okay, what is he talking and for how long?"

"Taking?" Prentiss asked.

"Drugs, I know you found out."

"How did you-" Morgan got cut off.

"It doesn't matter, but before he comes back, I need to know. What was he taking and for how long?"

...

"Dilaudid," Hotch eventually spoke as the rest of the team sat in silence, Morgan shot him a treacherous glare. 

"Was it cut?"

"Can't say for sure but possibly with ketamine." 

"Okay, Dilaudid cut with ketamine, how long?"

"About a year." 

Lady turned to walk away from the table, but Morgan grabbed her wrist, and she turned back to look at him. 

"He's clean."

"No, he isn't." 

She walked back to the table and sat down, everyone was looking at her expectantly.

"Dilaudid possibly cut with ketamine for about a year." She ran her hands over her face, "They think he's clean."

"Shit," Cury looked down at the table.

"What do we do?" Monroe asked. 

"What we did last time," Lady replied, "We tell him to find it and destroy it, or we send him to rehab."

"Do you think it will work?" Pinkie said.

"It fucking better." Curly looked up.


	5. 7:30 in the morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch is done and Penelope re-visits Tayor.

"What the fuck does she mean, _no, he isn't_." Morgan whisper-yelled. "She can't just say that and walk away."

"He isn't, though, is he? Using again?" JJ was almost crying. 

"No, no, we would have noticed, Prentiss said. 

"How the hell does she even know, we've only been here for a day?" Rossi asked. 

"I don't know what's going on," Hotch began, "But I'm sure it's gonna be oka- Morgan? Morgan where are you going?" 

Morgan, ignoring Hotch, had stood up and angrily marched over to the Operatives table. They seemed to argue for a minute before they came back. Morgan sat back down scowling as Lady stood, no one wanted to talk first. 

"...Why did you say he's using again?" Prentiss gave in. 

"Because he is." 

"And how do you know that?" Morgan interrupted.

"I saw the track marks." 

"They're old," Morgan said.

"The ones on his arms are, yes." 

"On his arms?" JJ asked in confusion, "Where else would-?"

"There are fresh ones on his thigh." 

"There can't," Garcia said, "I mean he's different, he's clean." 

Lady laughed. 

"What," Morgan snapped. 

"Let me guess," She said casually, "He came in snappy and obviously high, he was late sometimes right? Then something changed, and he looked like he got better."

"Yeah," Prentiss replied, "He stopped coming to work high."

"No! He stopped coming into work ten mils from a FUCKING OVERDOSE!" She yelled. 

"How would you know?" Rossi asked.

"Because I've seen him hide his fucking addictions before."

"Before?" JJ said in shock.

"God, I thought you guys were profilers. No, I actually thought you guys were his friends, but you don't know a fucking thing do you. You really think someone can get an addiction that easily? Do you really think he would be stupid enough to come to work high?" 

"Then, why did he?" Morgan asked.

"Because he's just as smart an addict as everything else he does." Lady looked behind her, to her friends, "I have to go."

"Wait!" Garcia stopped her from turning, "What do we do?" 

"We'll fix it, just don't mention it. It won't help." With that, she turned and walked back to her own table.

"She said on his thigh, right?" Prentiss asked, "Like his femoral vein?"

"Yeah?" JJ replied. 

"Isn't that like **really** high up? Like **really _really_ ** high up."

"Yeah, you'd have to -- _oh my god_." Garcia's mouth dropped open.

"What?" Morgan said, "I don't get-" He cut himself off when Garcia's staring finally got through to him, "Oh, **_O_ _h,_ " **

"For god's sake, it's seven-thirty in the morning," Hotch sighed, "Can we please stop talking about Reid's sex life."

***

"Agents," A familiar man walked up to the group.

"Sly?" Rossi asked. 

"I'm here to escort you to the mornings briefing," The man said, his expression unmoving. 

"Thank you," Hotch replied as the team stood and silently followed the man to a conference room. 

Most of Mercury One were already sat at one end of the table waiting, as Sly showed them to the room before leaving. The Director hadn't arrived yet, and neither had Reid. Leaving the two groups in awkward silence. 

"Hey Mon, you were right we are-" Spencer walked into the conference room and fell silent at the sight of the BAU.

"How long?" Pinkie looked up.

"Five minutes." The room went back into an awkward silence, "I guess we should probably do introductions." 

"Good idea," Hotch replied. 

"Guys, this is Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, Derek Morgan, David Rossi, and Penelope Garcia. And this is Curly, Monroe, Lady, and Pinkie," He said, sitting down opposite the BAU.

***

After the briefing Reid found himself rewalking the familiar east wing corridors with Penelope. 

"I don't think I've been down here since you were here," Reid said.

"Really?" 

"No, we went back too soon after you left, and we were disbanded right after we came back, there wasn't much time." 

"I'm surprised you can still remember the way, all the corridors look the same," She joked.

"I've spent so much time in that room, it's basically muscle memory at this point."

"Oh god, I missed this computer," Garcia breathed as they got to the room, "Do you think Sir Hotch will let me have one." 

"On our budget, no way," He laughed, falling back onto the sofa, "Your profile is still set up by the say, just tell her to wake up." 

"Really!" Her eyes grew wide, and Reid nodded at her, "Wake up, Taylor." 

"Good morning Penelope," An electronic voice said.

***

"Have the NSA seriously still not updated this system," She looked at him in disbelief. 

"Not since 2001." 

"My God, I guess that gives us some time to chat then." 

"I guess so," A hint of dread in his voice. 

"So what exactly happened?" 

"I already-" 

"No, I mean, how were you recruited? What kind of training did you do? You were in the Mafia, what happened there? Right from the start."

"I guess if we go back to the beginning, it started when I was thirteen. Some Government agencies came to Caltech when I was in my second year, NSA, FBI, DHS, CIA. I was spotted in the audience, the CIA got in contact a few times, I went for some tests and interviews. Then when I was fourteen, I was officially recruited. I moved from California to DC and into the Jungle Gym. I met my team the same day, not that I knew that they were **my** team yet, and then we started training."

"What sort of training did you do?"

"Started off simple, we did basic weapons, intelligence, recall, background, deep cover and some profiling work. Lady and I had to learn Italian as well as do all of our schoolwork. In the lead up to our dispatch, we did more ... _advanced_ training. We went out when we were sixteen, and we knew it would take at least a year for me and L to get situated in their ranks."

"Oh my." 

"That's just a basic timeline from before you first came, there's really not much more I can tell you." 

"Well good job those files have been approved then right?" 

"Right."

"What time is lunch I'm **starving** ," Garcia groaned. 

Reid looked up at the clock, "We'll be a bit early, but we can go now if you want." 

"Please." 

"You know they don't hate you, right?" Garcia said as they walked towards the canteen. 

"What?"

"The rest of the team, they don't hate you." 

"I know that."

"Do you, because if I was you right now, I would definitely think they hated me." 

"I lied to them Pen."

"Only because you had to, and they know that." 

"Doesn't feel like it, fucking profilers." 

"Hm?" 

"I swear they feel personally offended if they don't know, absolutely everything. It's like the fact I could keep a secret from them means I have something against them."

"You do know **you're** a profiler right," Garcia joked. 

"I'm not right now," He laughed. "I refuse." 

"Alright, **Sherlock**." 

"That's Operative one to you," He smiled as they got to the almost empty canteen, "Let's get some food."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deja Vu? Not me wrong bitch.


	6. Coffee, and other addictions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone finally steps in and Reid finds that an old habit is better than the new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW//Quite a lot of talk about drug use and interventions (breakdowns over intervention etc). As well as smoking.

"How is he?" JJ whispered to Garcia as they had lunch.

"Good, I think," She whispered back.

"Did you mention the..." JJ trailed off

"No. I just want him to know don't hate him y 'know."

"Yeah, I get it."

"I still can't believe it's him though," Prentiss said as the group ate.

"I know what you mean, I just don't want to correlate all that horrible stuff with him," Garcia replied. 

"We already thought his childhood was bad enough without all this shit," Rossi added.

Mumbles of agreement and general dislike of the situation spread around the table until JJ caught sight of Hotch. Much as Hotch was the unofficial 'dad' of the group JJ was definitely the 'mom'.

"Hotch are you okay you've barely touched your plate." 

"I know the food's bad Aaron but-" Rossi was cut off.

"Y 'know, I was thirty when I became a unit chief. To a team of reasonably well put together adults that could function themselves, and I was barely managing. He became a unit chief when he was fourteen. He was fourteen and effectively parenting four barely teenagers with little to no family to miss them. He's a better and more experienced unit chief than I will ever be." Hotch blurted taking everyone by surprise, "He's just a kid." 

Everyone sat in silence hoping that someone would have some words of comfort but, really they all felt exactly the same way. 

Lunch passed quickly, and they were all back with their respective Operatives working awkwardly. There were four hours until they were dismissed and another uneventful two until dinner. 

***

"Where are the kids?" Prentiss sat down with a plateful of food, "I expected them to be here before us." 

"So did I," Rossi answered, "It's not like Reid to be late, and I'll bet he picked that up here." 

That very second, all five of Mercury one came through the door of the canteen. Drenched in sweat and bright red, they went up to get food.

"Oh my god," Garcia said in shock as she looked at the team. "I wonder what they were-" 

"Hey guys," Reid sat down. "Sorry Pen you were saying something." 

"Oh, it's nothing I was just wondering what you've been doing."

"Yeah sorry, we've been doing two hours of straight drills." 

"Drills?" JJ asked.

"Imagine like highschool gym but worse," He smiled.

"Why are you sitting over here?" Prentiss asked.

"You're my friends too," He took a bite of his dinner. "God I didn't miss this food, I bet Rossi's barely touched it right." 

"You would be correct," Hotch barely refrained from rolling his eyes.

"They do do good coffee though, I swear that's all I lived on for the five years I was here." 

"I guess that explains your coffee addiction," Morgan joked.

"I do **not** have a coffee addiction," He laughed in reply.

"Oh, you totally do," JJ argued. 

"You've been drinking it all day," Garcia added.

"Someone back me up here, please." 

"No can do Doctor," Prentiss sniggered.

"It's true kid, I've never seen anybody drink more coffee in my life," Rossi said

"Honestly Reid the sheer amount of coffee you drink, it worries me," Hotch didn't look up.

"Okay, even Hotch agrees, you are definitely addicted, pretty boy."

"I guess I've just got an addictive personality." 

***

Reid was making his way back to his room when he opened the door to find his whole team waiting inside. 

"Hey, guys, what's going on?" 

None of his friends faces changed, and he had the gut feeling something bad was about to happen.

"Sherlock," Lady stood up from sitting on his bed and walked towards him.

His face dropped, "With that fucking tone, you may as well call me Operative one." 

If at all possible the atmosphere got even more frosty. Of the few unkind words they used with each other, that was one that stung. It was only used when someone was acting a little too much like the Director, and no one wanted to be like that source of pain. 

"Sherly," Monroe carefully moved closer.

"Spit it out."

Curly walked over slowly to the desk, and put down two small vials. Sherlock's face fell instantly, and he felt his stomach drop.

"YOU WENT THROUGH MY STUFF!"

"AND YOU'RE USING AGAIN!" Curly yelled.

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"SHERLOCK THIS IS SERIOUS." 

"Boys!" Monroe stepped in.

"Did they tell you!" He pointed to the door. 

"They didn't even know," Pinkie answered.

"Then how the fuck did you-"

"I saw the track marks _Gioia_."

"On my arms? They're old!"

"Not those one's."

There were audible beats of silence "... Did you tell them?"

"Yes," Lady said. She saw his face fall and quickly gave an excuse, "I had to know, what if it was heroin again."

"I'M NOT A FUCKING JUNKIE!"

"YES YOU ARE!"

The room went completely silent.

"Give them here," He went to grab the vials, but Curly was closer, managing to pick them up before he got to them. 

"Give me the FUCKING BOTTLES CURLY," He tried to lung at him, but Lady held him back as best she could.

"GO!" 

"GIVE THEM BACK, NO, STOP. I NEED THEM. STOP, COME BACK. PLEASE, please," He started to sob, "Please I need them, I need them," He fell to the floor. Lady let him down gently, coming to sit next to him. "I can't L," He choked. "It's the only thing ... I just can't." 

She pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket and handed them to him, "I'm guessing you don't still smoke."

"They're not good for you." 

"They're better for you than hospital heroin and ketamine." 

"They did tell you then." 

"I told you, I had to know," She stood up and reached down for his hand. "Come on. Smoke, you'll feel better."

***

"Spence?" JJ asked, walking up to the figure standing at the open fire escape, "Is that you?"

He turned around, smiling, "Yeah." 

"Are you smoking?" She walked closer "Spencer, these are so bad for you." 

"I know. Cigarette smoking is responsible for more than 480,000 deaths per year? And on average, smokers die 10 years earlier than nonsmokers," He replied, his smile still firmly in place.

"Then why are you-" 

"Hey guys," Lady walked up behind Reid and took the cigarette out his mouth. She took a drag as she moved round to his side. He smiled at her and slid a hand behind her back to the rest of her hip. He took the cigarette back, "You okay?" He murmured to her. 

"Yeah I'm fine, _volevo solo controllarti_ ," 

" _Non preoccuparti, torno tra un minuto_."

" _Va bene Gioia,_ " She kissed him on the cheek just out of JJ's sight and whispered in his ear, " _Sono davvero fottutamente orgoglioso di te_."

She left, giving JJ a slightly threatening smile as she walked away. 

"Sorry about that," He said to her. Stubbing out the cigarette butt on the railing and dropping it off the edge of the metal steps. 

"Is everything okay, Spence?" 

"Yeah," He grinned "Everything's pretty good actually." 

"You sure?" 

"I'm sure," He turned to look at the doors behind him, "I should go, come grab me if you need anything." 

She nodded and watched him walk away.

(I just wanted to check on you,)

(Don't worry I'll be back in a minute.)

(Okay Gioia)

(I'm really fucking proud of you.)

***

In a state of shock, she knocked on the nearest room, Prentiss. 

"Hey Jayj, are you okay?" 

"I just," She panted "I just saw." 

"Hey slow down, what is it?" 

"I just saw Spence smoking." 

"What?" 

"Yeah, I think we should go get everyone."

"JJ, I think you might be overreacting just a little-" 

"After everything that's happened today, just look where we are. It's so unlike him, **he doesn't even drink Prentiss!** " She almost screamed. 

"I'll go get Morgan." 

Everyone but Garcia (who was showering when Morgan knocked on her door) were sitting in Prentiss' room when she walked in with Hotch following her. 

"You guys need to stop meddling in Reid's life," Hotch said sternly to his team, "I'm sure whatever it is-"

"He was smoking," JJ stopped pacing to interrupt him. 

Hotch, who had known Reid for many years. And had smoked for many years before that was stunned into silence. "He was what?"

"He was smoking," JJ repeated her voice more worried than before. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Positive."

"What happened?" He sat on the nearest chair and watched her continue to pace as she told the story.

"I saw him standing by the open fire escape, so I went over, and then I saw that he was smoking! He was so relaxed about it, more than I've seen him in a while actually. But before I could say anything else Lady came over, and they were whispering to each other, I couldn't hear what about. Then she took a couple of drags and left, giving me a really bitchy look on her way. I thought maybe something was wrong, but he said everything was good, and he left."

"Relaxed," Prentiss repeated, "Definitely doesn't seem like his first time smoking then."

"But it's so unlike him," JJ said.

"Is it?" Rossi questioned, "How much do we really know about the kid?"

"Dave," Hotch warned.

"What is it, Aaron? You know I'm, not wrong, this could just be one more thing he was keeping from us." 

"A trained background is one thing, but smoking is completely different, _it's an addiction!_ " 

"Yeah, **and he's an addict!** "

"I heard shouting, what's going on?" Garcia rushed through the door a few seconds later.

"I saw Spence, smoking," JJ told her. 

"He's smoking again?" Garcia gasped.

"Again?" Morgan responded.

"He used to smoke, he told me when we were here before," She spluttered, "He said they all smoked, no, they almost all smoked."

"Almost?" Hotch intrigued 

"One of them didn't, maybe two, I, I can't remember."

"Are you sure pretty boy wasn't one of them?" Morgan asked, hopefully.

"No him and the other boy-"

"Pinkie?"

"No, no, the other one."

"Curly?"

"Yeah Curly, they definitely did."

"How do you know?" Hotch pressed.

"He asked him for a lighter."

"When?"

"Last time we came." 

"Jesus ... they were nineteen." Prentiss said in horror, "Why?" 

"I think he said it was better?" 

"Better than what?" Hotch asked. 

"I have no idea


	7. Party favours and the morning after.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Withdrawal isn't hitting Reid well. The team see how good he really is with a gun. And the BAU find out that needing to know doesn't necessarily mean they want to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Drugs (again), Withdrawal, mentions of theoretical overdosing.

"I didn't just ... relapse y 'know," He lay back on his bed with L next to him, blowing smoke from his mouth as he spoke. 

"No?" 

"I got drugged, just my luck it was an opioid."

"So that's why they knew, it was an unsub?"

"Had me for two days, made me pick who died," He took another drag from the cigarette and passed it to Lady.

"What would you give him?" She took a drag as well and passed it back.

"Solid six." 

"That's high, was he a first-timer?"

"Yeah, he wasn't too bad, to be honest." 

"What happened?" 

"I shot him," He shivered. 

"Okay, let's go to bed," She took the almost burnt out cigarette and threw it out of the cracked window. "Best to be asleep when the comedown starts." 

"I guess," He climbed under the covers and held them up for her to climb under too. 

"What are we doing tomorrow?" 

" ** We ** are doing duel range with situations." 

"Can we do our party trick?" She moved closer into his side.

"Course." 

***

The canteen was full the next morning, Reid was sat with the rest of the Operatives. His head was down and clutching his third cup of coffee, it was unlike him to be quiet, but it was better than throwing up. He got up to refill his cup for the fourth time, this time coming to sit with the BAU. 

"Jeez, kid you look like shit," Rossi said as he sat. 

He looked up and yawned, looking visibly exhausted, "It's just the withdrawal." 

His reply caused more heads to turn, not that he noticed as he stared down into his coffee.

"Withdrawal?" Morgan asked. 

"Day one," He replied, taking a long sip of his drink. "Look, I just came to say, you guys don't really have a lot to do today. So feel free to look around, just please don't piss anyone off. I'm gonna be at the range all morning, it has a certifiers gallery so you can come by if you want." 

"You're going to use a gun in ... in your _current state_?" Emily said.

"It's this or high," He shrugged, "I gotta go, but I've got some time after lunch, we can talk then." 

"He's high?" JJ asked once he left.

"No," Hotch answered. "He's not." 

"You're saying he hasn't been clean since Hankel?" Morgan asked. 

"It would seem so," Hotch said.

"I thought he was better?" Garcia spun her bangles around her wrist, anxiously.

"So did I." 

"I mean he was more put together, he wasn't late anymore. He stopped snapping at Prentiss," JJ listed. "What else were we supposed to think!"

"He obviously hid it well," Hotch comforted. 

"Do you really think he was that close to overdosing?" Emily asked.

"If he's had practise, I don't see why he couldn't control the dosage enough so that he actually seemed high but didn't OD," Rossi answered.

"Why wouldn't he have _seemed_ high?" JJ panicked.

"If he had a tolerance-" Morgan said.

"A tolerance!" JJ shrieked.

"JJ even if what Lady told us wasn't true. I don't see why he would fake sobriety if he didn't know what he was doing." Morgan explained.

"So, you think she was telling the truth?" 

"Why would she lie." 

***

"Are you sure you can do this?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine," He rubbed his hands over his face and stood up, swaying slightly.

"You okay?" She held his arm until he stood still. 

"Just a head rush." 

"Ready to go again?" 

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"Is this the right room?" Garcia asked. 

Morgan checked the door again. "Range certifiers gallery," He read out, "Looks like the right place."

The rest of the BAU filtered into the room and found themselves standing in front of a two-way mirror. 

They could see and hear Reid and Lady on the other side of the glass, but apparently, Reid and Lady couldn't see or hear them.

"What are they doing?" Garcia asked. 

"No idea," Prentiss replied. 

On the other side of the glass, Reid and Lady had no idea anyone was watching, as they set up to go again. 

"Hey Taylor," Lady said out loud." Run situation four, level two." 

The lights in the room dimmed, Reid moved round to Lady's side, drawing his gun with one hand and placing another on her waist. 

"Ready?" She whispered to him. 

"Ready.

There was a few moments of silence before a target lit up and moved towards them. 

"Put the gun down, or I shoot the hostage," A voice came over the loudspeaker in both the range and the gallery. 

He unclipped the cartridge and threw it and the gun away from himself.

"Now slowly put your hands on your head," The voice said again. 

They looked at each other, he nodded just enough so no one but Lady could see. She raised her hands slowly over her head, stretching as she did. 

"Why are they surrendering to a target and a voice coming over a loudspeaker?" Rossi asked. 

"How should we know Dave," Hotch replied.

Once Lady had her hands above her head, he started to move. He moved his arm around her back. And covertly slid a gun held to her back by the waistband of her jeans into his hand. He continued to raise his arms, gun in hand until they were just behind his head. 

"Good now-" The voice started but was cut off by the sound of two bullets piercing the target, one in the head one in the chest. Lady ran forwards hitting a button next to the target, then moving towards the back of the room. Meanwhile, Reid moved forward to the target, hitting a different button on the floor. Lady reached the back of the room and hit another button, causing the lights to come back on. 

"Situation four, level two complete," A robotic voice came over the loudspeaker. "Accuracy of ... one hundred." 

"YES!" Lady screeched jumping into Reid's arms, and he spun her around, smiling. 

"Holy shit," Morgan said, but this time both Reid and Lady turned in shock towards the mirror.

"Morgan?" Reid stomped over to the two-way glass, flicking a switch, dissolving the mirror and revealing the BAU on the other side. 

"I might have leant on the button."

"How long have you guys been there?"

"Just long enough to see that," Prentiss pressed the button again. 

"Just that run?" Reid questioned. 

"Yes?" 

"Okay, good," He relaxed. "I'll be there in a sec." He flipped another couple of switches, causing the two rooms to completely cut off from each other. The BAU couldn't see or hear anything they were doing, and they couldn't hear anything the BAU were doing. 

"That was fucking amazing," He walked over and kissed her. "I'm just gonna go talk to them, you coming with?"

"Sure," She clicked the cartridge back into the gun that was chucked on the floor. 

"And you'll be nice?" He put his hand on her arm. 

"I'll be quiet," She offered. 

"Close enough." 

"Oh, fuck off." She laughed.

"Okay," He opened the door, "Jesus, fuck it's bright in here." 

"You okay?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah," He yawned. "So you guys saw that?"

"It was incredible." Garcia squealed.

"Well, thank you," He smiled.

"I've never seen anyone pull off that move successfully," Morgan looked in amazement. 

"That's nothing," Lady scoffed quietly.

"L." He scolded. 

" _ What? _ " She rolled her eyes.

"What does she mean, 'that's nothing'?" Prentiss asked.

"Yeah what  _ do _ you mean?" Reid looked at her.

"Well, there are three levels, and we're only level two," She pointed out. 

"She's not wrong," He agreed. 

"One-hundred percent at level two is next to impossible!" "Rossi snorted.

He rubbed his eyes and squinted in the light. "It's our 'party trick',"

"Party trick?" JJ asked.

"Like our  _ thing,  _ the one move we're best at." She paused, "But It  _ haaas _ killed a lot of people."

"L!" Reid hissed at her.

"It has!"

"But don't tell them that!"

"Why not!"

"Because they're not CIA, and they're not used to this!"

"Yeah okay, I'm just gonna go," He headed to the door. 

"See you in a sec," She turned his back to the BAU and smiled at her. 

"Stay upright," She joked.

"I'll try." 

"I'm sorry," He looked down, "About her. She -um- she doesn't particularly, like you." 

"Really?" Prentiss said sarcastically. 

"To be honest, none of them, particularly like you." 

"What?" Morgan exclaimed. 

"Ugh, it's just you guys are here, and you're working our case, and you ...  _ you thought I was clean _ ." 

"How were we supposed to know otherwise!" JJ fumed. 

"You weren't!" He replied. "Just, you're profilers, and you're my friends they're pissed off that you didn't notice when they would have!"

"How would they have noticed if we didn't?" Hotch asked. 

"They've seen me do this before." 

"Before?" Hotch teased out an explanation.

"I was," He stopped, and the team looked on impatiently. "I was a heroin addict." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise a CIA update is coming, I'm just living for making Reid's addiction slightly more realistic. <3


	8. The consequences of addiction.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally talk (argue) about Reid's addiction. Garcia makes a new friend and withdrawal doesn't get any easier for Reid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Talk of addiction. More withdrawal symptoms.

"YOU WERE WHAT!"

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT WAS EVERYTHING!"

"YOU DIDN'T THINK WE NEEDED TO KNOW THAT!"

HEROIN!"

"HOW LONG WERE YOU-"

" **SHUT UP!** " Hotch yelled, silencing the room.

"Thank you," Reid said, sat with his head in his hands.

"Reid," Hotch turned sternly to his attention to his youngest Agent.

"What?"

"You should have told us, after," Hotch hesitated. "After Hankle." 

He sighed, "Then, you would have asked questions. And I would have been completely done in by the CIA if I'd broken my backstory. I thought eventually you would figure it out." He stopped as if expecting an answer, but no one spoke. "Come on, you guys didn't really think I could get an addiction after being injected twice." They stayed silent. "And you really thought I could just quit, just like that, didn't you?" 

"You looked like you got better," JJ eventually spoke up.

"Well, I know how to hide a fucking addiction," He spat, standing up to meet her. "Especially when no one cares!" 

"WE CARED!" JJ yelled. 

"DID YOU?" 

"Reid," Morgan stepped in, "You know we couldn't say anything. You would have been fired."

He sat back down, letting the anger drain out of him. "I know and I guess I _was_ functioning. There was no reason for you to think otherwise." 

"Wait, this whole time, you've been ... _functioning?_ " Rossi asked.

"No, right at the start, I couldn't have functioned if you paid me." 

"I was paying you," Hotch mumbled. 

"Exactly."

"But then you got better?" Garcia said. "You -you stopped using." 

"No, I didn't."

"You had to!" Prentiss accused. "I mean, come on, there is no way you could have been high continuously until today!"

"WELL, I **AM** ON A FUCKING COMEDOWN EMILY!" He yelled. And immediately regretted it. "... I'm sorry, I'm -I'm gonna go." He walked to the door, "I'll see you later."

The tension in the room didn't leave with him. And for a few minutes, they stood in silence, trying to soak up the information they'd just been given. 

"How did we not notice," Tears filled Garcia's eyes. 

"Babygirl, it's okay," Morgan tried to comfort her, but she pulled away from him. 

"No! I told you he was struggling, I -I told you he needed help, but you wouldn't listen!" She screamed. "You were so worried about him keeping his job you forgot a person was struggling underneath his IQ!" 

Garcia stormed out of the room, sobbing. Everyone watched her leave in utter shock. Each of them felt the guilt wash over them as they remembered their conversation about Reid's addiction. 

_"He needs help," Garcia argued as they sat in Hotch's office._

_"If we acknowledge there's a problem, he could be fired," Rossi explained._

_"This is more important than his job!" She continued to argue._

_"But getting fired will crush him," JJ replied._

_"And anyway, this is Reid we're talking about," Morgan said. "I'm sure he can get through this."_

_"I can't believe you're going to let them ignore this," Garcia looked angrily at Hotch._

_"I'm sorry, Garcia, but this is how it has to be."_

It was too late to realise Garcia was right. He needed help, he needed them, and they ignored it, hoping it would go away by itself. This was inarguably their fault.

***

Tears ran down Garcia's face as she rushed down the corridors. She had no idea where she was going, but then she ran into somebody. 

"Whoa there," He grabbed onto her shoulders to stop her. "Where you going in such a rush." 

"I'm sorry," She sniffed. "I was just going ... well, I'm not sure." 

"That's okay, this place _is_ a maze. I don't think we've been properly re-introduced. My name's Pinkie." 

"Penelope Garcia." 

"You were working with Sherlock yesterday?" 

"Yeah." 

"He speaks very highly of you."

"Really?" 

"Mhm," He nodded. "And I'm sure he'd be worried if he found you walking down the corridors crying. What's going on?" 

"I -I might have yelled at my team for not helping him with his addiction. Because they wanted him to keep his job." 

Pinkie smiled, "And rightly so. We all knew that helping him was more important than **anything** , including his job." 

"That's what I said," She wiped the tears from under her eyes.

"Well, it's good to see at least one of you has a brain." 

She waited a few seconds then asked, "Is he gonna be okay?"

"Honestly?" She nodded. "I don't know. An opioid addiction is hard to get through. Tomorrow is going to be difficult for him. Luckily Curly already destroyed the vials we found in his bag, so there's nothing he can do but wait it out." 

Her stomach churned in fear, "What's gonna happen tomorrow?" 

"The worst of the symptoms will set in. He'll be ill, very ill. We'll probably have to force him to spend the day in bed." 

"Oh god, how -how long will he be like that?" 

"Hopefully just tomorrow, more than likely he'll feel ill for days, but he won't show it. He's far too stubborn for that."

"You're telling me," Garcia smiled. 

"You know, one time he walked on a broken leg for two days because he was convinced it was just a bruise." 

She laughed, "Once, Hotch accidentally broke one of his ribs trying to get away from an unsub. We only found out six months later when he screamed out in pain laughing. And said _'oh, yeah, my rib is broken_." 

"That sounds like Sherlock." 

"Yeah ... I just hope he's okay. He left the uh, _gun room?_ Just before I did." 

"The range, and I'm sure he's fine," Pinkie reassured. "Why don't we go find him? I'm sure he'd like to know at least one of you wanted to help." 

"I'd like that." 

Pinkie led her back through the corridors of the east wing for several minutes. Before they came to a door. 

"Hey Mon," Pinkie said, walking through the door with Garcia behind him. "Have you seen Sherlock?" 

"Not since this morning." 

"Do you know where he is?" 

"He and Lady were doing situations this morning. Check the range."

Pinkie shook his head, "He had an argument with the FBI Agents and stormed off." 

"I don't know then, might have gone to Taylor." 

"I'll check. See you later."

"See ya." 

He stepped outside the room, "To Taylor, we go." 

She hoped that the corridors she had walked down only the day before would look vaguely familiar. But honestly, she had no idea where Pinkie was taking her. Soon enough, they stopped outside a door. She could just about hear someone talking inside. 

"I'll wait here," Pinkie said. "Say hi for me."

She nodded and slowly creaked the door open. 

"Taylor, blackout," Reid's voice came from inside the room as Garcia entered. 

"It's just me. Pinkie's outside." 

"Hi, Pen," He looked up at her from where he was lying on the sofa. The lights inside the room were dimmed, and the screens were off. 

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?" 

"For letting the team convince me it was better not to help you." She swallowed nervously. "I should have tried to help." 

"It's not your fault," He swung his legs over the arm of the sofa. "I could have been fired." 

"Spencer keeping your job isn't more important than you being okay. Not helping you just so you wouldn't be fired was a selfish decision. Your wellbeing matters more than your stupid fucking job." 

He looked up at her, tears threatening to fall down his face, "Thank you, Garcia." 

"For what?" 

"Telling me that," He stood up and she quickly wrapped her arms around him. 

"We all care about you, Spencer," She whispered. 

Eventually, he pulled away from her and sat back down on the sofa. He wasn't crying, but his face was the picture of depression. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" 

"I just - I don't know if I can do this," He choked. "Not again." 

"Oh, Spencer," She sat next to him. "Of course you can." 

Garcia placed her hand on his back as he cried into his hands. She could feel him shaking. 

"I'm meant to be a leader. I was supposed to come back and do something good, not burden my team and you guys with my problems. Just because I cant take care of myself properly!"

"This isn't your fault," She soothed. 

"But it is. I shouldn't have let Hankle give me the Dilaudid. I shouldn't have kept taking it, and I shouldn't have pretended that I was clean." 

"Addiction is a disease, you know that." 

"But I'm supposed to be better than that, better than some stupid fucking drugs," He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling on his roots. 

"This isn't just something you can be better than."

"I know that it's just **\- oh,** **fuck**. He twisted in pain.

"Are you okay?" Her eyes went wide with worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just _\- fuck that hurts_." 

"What is it? What's wrong?" 

"It's just another -another withdrawal symptom. I just need a distraction, anything." 

"Oh, okay, um tell me, what are all the symptoms of opioid withdrawal?" 

He breathed heavily through the pain, "Nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping, blurry vision, _-fuck-_ high blood pressure, muscle aches, and a rapid heartbeat." He squeezed his fist together, wincing in pain. "There's more, but -but I can't think." 

"It's okay, maybe I should go get-." 

"No, I'm fine, I-" He lurched forward, gripping his stomach, falling off the sofa in the process. 

Garcia could feel her heart beating with fear and worry. Without saying anything else, she stood up, opened the door and explained what had just happened to Pinkie. He nodded and followed her back inside the room. 

"Sherlock, you need to go to bed."

"I'm fine, Pink," He replied through gritted teeth.

"No, you're not. Look at yourself." 

Pinkie was right. He was on the floor, clutching at his stomach, attempting not to throw up in pain. More importantly, he was tired, far too tired to keep up any kind of argument with Pinkie. That boy could sell water to a fish if he wanted to. So reluctantly, he nodded his head in agreement. Pinkie helped him off the floor and used one arm to support him as they walked.

Garcia stared at the door as it closed behind them. She felt sick. She knew the withdrawal symptoms were going to be bad. But she'd never seen him so weak with pain. He always hid how much he was hurting. He was always in control of it, but now? How much pain did he have to be in to be so out of control? She felt tears come to her eyes. They could have stopped this, they could have helped him, but now, he was suffering from their negligence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so impatient waiting to post this and I'm so sorry for just hurting Reid but let's be honest we all live for it.  
> I'm trying to alternate uploading so next will hopefully be pt.1.  
> Tell me what you thought <3


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